wakey wakey hands off snakey
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
