i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
