I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
