Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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