why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
