Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
