Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
