I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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