is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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