Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Come see our sink grown plant.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
