just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
