You can't motorboat a personality
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
