Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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