Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
