it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
