every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
