I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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