My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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