pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
