i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
