She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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