I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
