why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Randomize
