too bad you live with your parents still
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
