So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
it hurts more in the daytime
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
