Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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