i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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