Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
