im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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