i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
