I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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