Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
