Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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