I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize