I think my fart just growled at me.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A+ Viking dick
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize