I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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