i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
