still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
