Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
