so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
