i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
