i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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