So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
