I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
