I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
