I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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