I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
