I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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