I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
