explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
