you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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