I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
