that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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