Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
