Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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