how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
