Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
