Are we in a gay sports bar?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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