your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
