my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Your penis caused this!
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