we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
