is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
