phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
