it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize