I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
